BrainTeaser | Sherma E Benosa

Life is a puzzle; we are the clues, and God is the answer.

No one goes home



Is it just me, or is the place of our childhood not really as we remember it?

When I think of our ‘Away,’ that place where I spent the summers of my childhood, visions of picturesque views flash in my mind — lush greens, vast meadows, wide fields, clear springs.

But whenever I visit that very same place as an adult, I notice that the fields I roamed as a kid are not really wide, the meadows not as vast, and the hills, not as high.

I notice the changes in the place I call home, but more than that, I also notice the disparity between what I remember of it and what the place now seems.

The ‘Away’ I remember changes in every visit. So yes, I agree that in a sense, our ‘Away’, our home is gone; we can never go home again.

But I’d like to add that we also do NOT go home — ever. The one who has left is not the same person who goes home. For, sometime between one’s leaving and coming home, no matter how short the time interval is, one undergoes changes. 

 We are our old selves, but having evolved, we’ve become different.



This is my response to a good post by a friend in my other blog during a discussion on life in rural Philippines. Commenting on how our ‘Away’ has changed, the friend, IloKona, posted:

wen, pari vf, mannalonkami… (translation: yes friend VF, we are farmers)

and we better perpetuate those memories
of our ‘away’ in our mind.
because the ‘away’ that we remember, the
home of our hearts, is no longer the same.
it has changed forever, irreversibly.

the ‘away’ that we remember, our home, is gone.

we can NEVER go home again!

— Ilokona, March 18, 2008    


my feeling is that we change
in our subconscious and we
externalize that change subconsciously
in subliminal applications towards a
stored memory and we produce a distortion
of a once vivid memory choosing which
distortion to keep and which one to discard.
and after a while
the subject and the object
are intertwined and refracted at the same time
into a mental diffusion,
so that when we actually experience the
‘memory’ again, we’d notice the subtle changes,
like we notice an irritant in our shoe.
more often than not, it is us who did change
having outgrown the memory in our minds, the memory
embedded in our minds frozen in a stunted, controlled,
bonsai state.

—Ilokona, March 24, 2008  

[Ilokona’s comments re-posted with permission.]. 

[Photo Caption: A view of our ‘Away’ in Bambang, Nueva Vizcaya]


//Sherma E. Benosa

22 March 2008


8 comments on “No one goes home

  1. Arayan
    March 22, 2008

    hey, nice way to put it.

    though, i think i can add this bit :
    when we were younger, we were free, and unriddled. that, probably, helped us perceive vastness in even the smallest of crannies. like how we could spend away whole afternoons running our fingers through a small patch of sand. now, even if we have a whole beach to ourselves, we find the space asphyxiating, since we have too much bottled up within us.

    i figure this is the reason that no one can really return to their homes; it’s coz they’ve got too much that separates their erstwhile home from themselves.

    whatsay?! 🙂

  2. tomachfive
    March 22, 2008

    There is a bittersweet feeling when we revisit the places where we thought the world was ours

    The leaves, the air, the colors, sang to us, exulting in our innocence

    Is it when we lost innocence, we also lost them?

    That when we return, they fall silent, intimidated by our changes?

    And smile no more?

    Then let us replay their memory

    So they will be reborn

    And remember


    Let that tear of melancholic joy of recall fall

    So as We stand together on that green field

    They will recognize us running

    And hug us so tight

    Begging us not to leave ever again

    Though we must sail, we must tread, we must fly once more.

    (Wonderful sharing, that you have, inspiring me so.)

  3. Pingback: Poem Inspired By A Post « Philnensia

  4. brainteaser
    March 22, 2008

    Hello Arayan and Tomachfive! Thank you, thank you for taking the time to read the humble scrawls of my pen and for sharing your wonderful thoughts! I can’t say how honored you made me feel. 🙂

    Arayan, good insight, friend! You said it so well. Yes, I believe adults and children see the world differently. Indeed, lucky are those adults who can see the world through the eyes of a child. 🙂

    Tomachfive! I don’t know how to put it, but I am so touched that a poet could find inspiration from my simple post, which, in turn, was also inspired by someone.

    Thanks to both of you guys…

    (A shoutout goes to IloKona whose insightful post started all these, and to VF who always lovingly paints life in the ‘Away’ for me.)

    God bless and cheers!

  5. VF
    March 25, 2008

    Consider yourself very lucky Buddy if you still have an “away” to go home to. While cityscapes are very exciting, there’s nothing like living in the countryside, to be called a ‘villageois’… and be at peace with nature.

    I like picking my own vegies and fruits, grow my own rice, make my own wine, drink ‘unrecycled’ water hehehe…


  6. VF
    March 25, 2008

    Eh, that pic, the hut!

    That’s the only place where I slept peacefully without a minder. Waaa, I miss the place.

  7. seaeagle
    March 25, 2008

    my second home solano, where the oxygen rises from the palay early in the morning so fresh so cool, promising a beautiful new day, the busy town which i first fell in love with in 1998 is now a city full of vibrance and life ,busy ,bustling yet that filipino smile and friendliness is still there, my asawas home and my very large filipino family live in and around solano once you have visited nueva vizcaya a little of your heart stays there , regards to all nueva vizcayans, mabuhay ang kalayaan

  8. brainteaser
    March 26, 2008

    Hello seaeagle! Have a good day to you, too.
    Me too. I just love the province: the simple way of life, the lush fields, the mountains, the relatively cooler weather, everything!

    I am glad you have good memories of your second home.

    Hey Buddy! Yup, I do consider myself very lucky.
    Luckier with you around. Hehehe

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